I’m Gonna Love You Like I’m Gonna Lose You



Could Decluttering Help You Lose Weight?

About a month ago, I had a very unfortunate argument with a woman on my staff.  She was upset because I had taken a box of empty binders from her office to our supply room in an attempt to slowly help declutter her workspace.  She said she was saving the box of binders for a large report. I didn’t see the big deal because she could simply get the binders back from the supply room when she needed them. “How would you feel if someone came into YOUR office when you weren’t there and threw stuff out?” she asked me. I apologized and agreed that I had overstepped.
In my defense I didn’t just wake up and decide to go clean someone else’s office. We had been discussing for months me helping her to declutter and clean up. She got very upset and she asked me ultimately why it bothered me so much when it wasn’t my work space. I told her it looked unprofessional and that it affected her productivity.  But was that really my issue?
Later I pondered her question.
Why did other people’s clutter make me so crazy? Why did it bother me so much?
Deep down, I feel like her clutter is contagious and if I don’ t get rid of it then I am silently saying it’s okay,  it’s acceptable. And if I’m saying it’s acceptable then I could “catch it”. My office could slowly end up looking like hers over time.

Over the past two years I’ve been noticing a correlation between my stuff and my weight.  Over time I’ve also noticed the same correlation between other overweight people and their stuff.

We tend to hold onto extra stuff for no real reason. We say things like, “I might need it one day” or “what if I run out” or “what if someone asks me for a copy of that”.

Our clutter is another way of holding on. It provides a false sense of security, just like our weight. Subconsciously we sabotage our diets. We overeat when we’re not hungry. On some deeper level we want to keep the weight on because it gives us this false sense of security and safety, much like a security blanket for a child.
Suddenly you have all this stuff in your way that you have to focus on so you don’t have time to focus on what’s really going on. Clutter doesn’t just crowd your office or your home,  it crowds your mind so that you have no room to feel your true feelings. Now you’re focused on your clutter and how to organize it. You’ve created something else to “deal with’ to put first.
That’s exactly what a diet is. A diet is a way to put our real life on pause because we need to “deal with” our weight. But that’s really just more noise and clutter to distract us from our real issues.
Once I realized I was doing that in my own life I started a massive effort to declutter and minimize. I started with my wardrobe and I did this program, Project 333, which focused on creating an essential wardrobe with a bare minimum number of pieces.
After having a lot of success with my wardrobe,  I looked at the rest of my life.  I started working hard at being comfortable in open,  uncomplicated spaces. It was both terrifying and liberating. Each new clean space was like peeling back another layer of my emotions and exposing my shit. Just like when you stop eating your feelings,  once I cleaned a room out, I realized I had some new emotions to deal with, to tackle. There was no where to hide.
I didn’t think I was in her office uninvited. We had been having many discussions prior to that day about the need to clean up. But when we actually started removing things she couldn’t handle it. She claimed that it wasn’t the clean up that was the problem it was the way I was doing it. She wanted to be there at all times and oversee it.
She said she truly wanted to declutter and she wanted my help but we needed to do it her way.
I get that.  This is why dieting doesn’t work. No one diet designed for the masses is gonna work for you because you’ve got to figure out for yourself what it’s gonna take to lose the weight and it’s gotta be your way or it’s never gonna last.
Maybe if we figure out a way to declutter her office “her way” then it will really work and it will stick. Maybe.
But I think the real issue was that the open space, the empty shelves, the VOID,  was making her uncomfortable.  She had barricaded herself inside her office and now I was exposing her and it felt unsafe, vulnerable. She felt exposed.
We can feel the exact same way when we start to lose weight. I know I have. Suddenly you don’t have your weight to hide behind. More people notice you. You’re “out there”.  Suddenly losing weight feels awful because you’ve exposed yourself and there is no hiding.
If you are overweight and you know you’ve had a history of sabotaging a diet or two (or five), I implore you to take a look around your house, your car, and your office space. See what else you may be holding onto besides your weight . You may start to see the same correlation I found. Start letting go of stuff in other areas of your life first, that will eventually lead to being able to let go of the weight.
Cheers .
 Leave your comments below, I’d love for us to get deeper into discussing this topic. I feel it is vital to our weight loss success!


10 Do’s and Don’t To Help Change Your Relationship with Food

The difficult part of having a food addiction is that it is not an addiction you can quit cold turkey. You must always have food in your life and this presents the challenge:

How do we focus on food in a healthy way that serves us as opposed to focusing on food in a way that leads us astray and back to our addictive ways?

In my daily practices I have come up with five distinct mindsets you should have and 5 that you shouldn’t have that will help to change your relationship with food.

The wrong way to focus on food:

  1. Don’t focus on food as a way to have fun.  When it’s time for you to think about something fun, you should not immediately go to food. As my LMWL coach, Sarah Jenks, says, “your life should be more interesting than your food”
  2. Don’t focus on food based on its calorie content. You should not make your eating decisions based on how many calories are in the meal. Ignoring your taste buds and your cravings will only make you rebel later in unhealthy ways
  3. Don’t focus on the next meal.  So many times my obsession with food has left me unable to enjoy the meal I’m eating at the moment because I’m so focused on what’s next. Always what’s next, never what’s right in front of me right now.
  4. Don’t focus on the last mistake you made. You can not fix your last mistake   by skipping a meal or ignoring what you really want and eating well below the caloric amount you know you need.  The best thing you can do when you feel you’ve made a mistake with your eating or your exercise is simply to move on.  Make better choices the very next opportunity you get but DO NOT try to make up for what has already transpired.  Let it go. Trying to make up for it will leave you wanting more which will lead to sabotaging and “messing up” AGAIN and then you’re back to the same vicious cycle.
  5. Don’t focus on delayed gratification.  So often I’ve skipped something I wanted in that moment because I was saving my calories for something else later. Unless that something later is truly unique or you only get it in a certain town or during the holiday, don’t save it. Have what you want now.  No delays.  If you delay you’ll probably eat more of the later food to compensate for what you missed out on earlier. If you watch what you want in the moment and you still want that other thing later, have it. I’ll bet you’ll end up eating a smaller portion and it’ll all shake out in the end . Or better yet, you’ll find it wasn’t all that important to you in the first to place and you let your imagination make it into something it wasn’t.


The Right way to focus on food:

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4 Things My Newborn Baby Taught Me About My Relationship with Food

I had my 1st child back in March. In the first 4 months of his life I struggled with getting him to breastfeed.  Because of this struggle I spent a lot of that time focused on his eating patterns. I watched when he ate, how much he ate,  and the way he acted when he ate. During these observations I learned a lot about the way our relationship with food initially begins before it all goes wrong. Here are 4 lessons my newborn son taught me about my relationship with food:
4 things my baby taught me about my relationship with food

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How Pregnancy Taught Me to Love My Body

My sister recently shared with me, “the best thing just happened to me.  I was in my doctor’s office getting my standard six week check-up after having the baby and I was standing in front of the mirror in the room naked.  And as I looked at all the changes that have taken place on my body, I realized, I will never look like I did before, ever again.”  There’s no way it’s ever going to go back to how it looked before.  And you know what, I instantly felt relieved.  All this pressure to lose weight and “get back to how it was before” was suddenly over. 

preganancy taught me to love my body; body love; self care; self love

She said that, before the baby, if she gained weight she’d admonish herself and make promises to get back to her pre-college weight because she knew she could and she thought she should.  She would diet and exercise then of course binge later and feel guilty that she didn’t have more self-control.  And around and around we go.  But this time, she could not ignore the obvious insanity of taking that approach yet again.  She had just had a baby and the changes were much more dramatic this time that in previous weight gain episodes.  This was much more than weight gain.  This was a monumental change to her entire body inside and out.  And she realized that there was no going back. Continue reading

Why Your Partner is Sabotaging Your Weight Loss Efforts and 5 Tips to Make Him Stop

When I got married, my mother gave me a piece of advice. She said to me: when couples move in together their daily habits start to merge and they end up resembling each other physically. You look and you’ll see that if one person is athletic their partner probably is too. If one is super lean then their partner probably is too. If one is a muscle bound gym rat, the other probably is too. And if one is overweight the other person probably is too.  And if they aren’t, give them time. One person in the relationship will shift the other way, the only question is which way will the shift occur. So beware and make sure the shift occurred in your favor.
partner sabotaging weight loss
When you start to make healthier choices in an effort to lose weight and improve your lifestyle you may notice your partner trying to sabotage your efforts by bringing home little treats or encouraging you to make bad choices at the restaurant. You may even see him eat worse than usual in an effort to convince you that you’re not eating so bad when you cheat- not compared to him anyway.
Why is he doing this? What’s his motive?
Believe it or not, it’s not really about you. It’s really about him. He’s not a bad, evil person. He’s frightened that you are changing and that you might be outgrowing him. Suddenly your discipline and self control are threatening to his everyday life. And so he has 2 choices. He can jump on board or he can sabotage your efforts and try to get you to regress. 9 out of 10 times, your partner will try the latter. It’s easier to try to get you to cheat than to try to make changes for himself and get healthier with you.  And the more progress he sees the worse his sabotaging will get and it will become very hard for you to meet your goals and live in the same house with him. But if you understand his motives then you can do your part to patiently show him that sabotaging you will not work in the long run and that joining you in this new and health lifestyle is really his only option.

Getting him to see the light will take some time but here are 5 tips to help you continue to make progress even when he tries to sabotage your efforts.

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5 Easy Tricks to Help You Stop Eating Your Partner’s Snacks

“I’d be skinny if it wasn’t for my partner’s snacks.”

How many of you have said that before?

Blaming our significant other for our bad habits is all too easy and sometimes feels very true. Afterall, if the food wasn’t in the house we wouldn’t eat it and who brought it in the house in the first place?

Well, we can’t always get our partners to eat healthy with us but we can do more to ensure that their unhealthy choices don’t end up on our hips.
stop eating your spouse's snacks; how to stop snacking tips;

 Here are 5 tricks to that can help you stay away from your partner’s snacks:

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5 Tips for Enjoying the Holidays without Gaining Weight


It’s that time of year again.  We just had Halloween, Thanksgiving is next week, and Christmas and New Year’s will be soon to follow.  And the biggest question on the minds of all of us in the FoodLove Community is: How can I survive this without ending the year with 10 extra pounds I seriously don’t need?

FoodLove Girl to the rescue!  Follow these 5 tips to get yourself prepped and excited for a fun-filled holiday that ends with no regret. Continue reading

5 Ways that Falling in Love with Fall Can Help You Lose Weight

I love love, love the fall. Did I say love? Looove. And I always want to recruit people in this obsession with fall. So my little weight loss seekers, I thought I’d play on your desire to lose weight by telling you that I think fall is the best season for you to get in shape and revamp your healthy habits. Here are five ways that the beautiful season of Fall can support a healthier lifestyle:

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5 Tips for Staying Healthy When Hosting Houseguests

5 Tips to Help You Stay Healthy When Hosting Houseguests

Last weekend my mother came to visit and we had a sort of House Crashers episode in my house.  Have you seen that show on HGTV?  It’s where they come in your house and remodel and decorate and transform it in like 3 days.  That is seriously what it felt like when we were done.  3 days of nonstop shopping, decorating, and gardening.  And if I do say so myself, my house looks fabulous!  In the midst of that, I did not eat as planned and it brought me to this week’s highlighted post:  “How to Stay Healthy When Hosting Houseguests”  I hope you find is useful the next time you find yourself with houseguests. stay healthy hosting houseguests Continue reading

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