One of the reasons I started this blog was because I wanted a place to discuss the areas of my life that I thought were being limited by my weight. I thought if I could just focus harder on losing the weight then all my other goals in life would fall into place. As it turns out the weight was only hanging around because I wasn’t focusing on living my life – I was focusing on the weight.
“What you focus on expands. So focus on what you want, not what you do not want.”
― Esther Jno-Charles
I focused on the weight because it was easier than admitting what I was too scared to face.
I’ve recently found two tricks that are helping me face my fears and do what I really want to do in this life BEFORE I reach my ideal weight.
The first trick:
In my religion, something we are taught early is, “Fear no one and nothing but God”. When I was a child, I used to think that meant “God is scary and should be feared at all times so don’t mess up”. But now I’ve decided to see that in a much more powerful way that serves me in my best possible life. “Fear no one and nothing but Allah” – God is the most powerful above all else and so if God is the only one you fear, you simply can’t be afraid of anything or anyone else by comparison. God will protect you so don’t be afraid. That works for me.
The second trick:
I just finished a magnificent course called Live More Weigh Less. In this class, Sarah Jenks coached us on putting our fears into perspective. She instructed us to “write them out”. Write out the worst scenario. Look at it in print and imagine it actually coming to fruition. Now ask yourself: Is this really likely?
I used to do a version of this when I would get nervous about speaking events. I’d sit on the floor with my back to the wall imagining the absolute worst scenario. Would everyone laugh at me? Would my presentation be perceived as unprepared and a waste of everyone’s time? Or worse yet might I get fired for sucking so much? The bottom line is even if all of that did actually happen, which it probably won’t but even if it did – If the end result is that you will survive – then you do it anyway.
But I like Sarah’s modification to that trick better – write it down. A lot of times once you take the crazy out of your mind and write it down and read it out loud – it sounds ridiculous and you can’t help but laugh at yourself. It works every time.
So here’s how I used these two tricks on my worst fear:
Over the years, I have feared pregnancy for a lot of reasons: afraid I’ll die during labor; afraid I’ll be an invalid for 10 months and have to completely rely on other people; afraid I’ll never have enough money. But none of these are the real reason I’ve waited the last five years.
I don’t like admitting it but my weight has been my number one reason for not starting family. So I prayed on it, and I acknowledged that pregnancy is a gift from god, the gift of procreation and it is absolutely not a thing to fear. “Fear no one and nothing but God”
Then I wrote out my fears:
The crazy talk: My fear is that I will gain 100 lbs during the pregnancy and, because I didn’t lose the weight and keep it off for a period before the pregnancy, my body won’t know how to get back down to my ideal weight. So I’ll be obese for the rest of my life. What’s worse, I fear that I will then teach my child these bad habits and he/she will be obese too and it will be all my fault.
Then I asked myself, Is that really going to happen? What’s likely to happen?
The truth: The past two years have been life changing. My relationship with food is better than it’s ever been.
My first blessing came when I read Marianne Williamson’s book: A Course in Weight Loss: 21 Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever. That book opened my eyes to my fears and helped me understand what I was really hungry for.
The second blessing came this summer when I joined the Live More Weigh Less Mastery program. This class deepened my belief that my overeating never had anything to do with my love of food but instead was all about the things I was lacking in my life.
My third blessing was my Nutritionist. She’s been by my side these last two years helping me to focus on living more and less on dieting. Throughout our work together she has continuously preached that everyday that I work on myself I am building up the foundation that will support me for the rest of my life. And that foundation will NOT go away when I get pregnant. If anything, it will intensify. Because it won’t be just about me anymore. I’ll be living my best life for myself and for my child.
That is the truth that I must hold on to. I must continue the work I’ve been doing and trust that the result will be a healthy pregnancy with acceptable weight gain for this season of my life and that the weight will leave at the appropriate time when the pregnancy is over.
What fears have you been struggling with? Have you been overeating to feed your fear? Let’s work on our fears together. Share your fears below and try these two tricks to see if they help. Leave a comment and let us know how it goes.
- Face Your Biggest Fear To Help You Lose Weight Faster
- How to Rely On Your Faith to Help You Lose Weight
- 6 Ideas from Islam I Use to Help Me Lose Weight